:: 18 weeks & Wait ::

Hello all!

Life has been so hectic... well, not really hectic, just full. :) I still have alot of morning sickness that lasts all day. Which wears me out tremendously. I come home from work and usually do some little things, and lay down for a couple hours, get up for a while, then go to bed... haha sounds fun huh? Laying down helps the best... I think the worst part about it though, is you never know when it's going to happen! One minute, I'm just peachy... and the next... omg. Get me a bathroom!!!!

The baby is great... I feel it move a few times a day. Which is so incredible... I can't wait to feel it kick :) I hear that gets old fast though... for some reason, I don't think it will with me! haha! I'm showing alot more now. I have to "fix" all of my waists on bottoms, or else they don't fit at all! Maternity pants have come in so handy though... But stinks however, noone makes plus size maternity skirts! My mom is going to help me rig my old skirts into maternity, then I'll just buy new skirts later... Phil has been wonderful with me being sick and hormonal :) Yeah... another thing. I cry for absolutely no reason sometimes!!! haha! It's all good though, no complaints here... I just can't wait to meet this little one! I've waited so long to be a mommy...

Your prayers are needed however in our financial world... We are really praying about what to do after the baby comes... I'd really love to be a stay at home mommy... but that isn't looking like it's going to happen... We know that God has a plan, but we'd love to know what it is! :) We are praying about me at least going to a part time job rather than full time. We prayed so long for this child, that I don't want to have to leave the baby with someone for 3/4 of the time... So pray that God will give us wisdom and discresion. I'd love to work from home, but there aren't alot of things like that in Illinois :)

Okay, so I found this poem... it has become by far my favorite. Some of you may have read it already... but it's worth it to read it again. I get the Stepping Stones newsletter (they deal with adoption and infertility) and this poem was in there. I read it, and reread it. Then I read it to Phil... with tears strolling down my face. My heart was so heavy... The poem spoke so deeply to my heart... If you are waiting on God, for... a baby, an answer, His will, a husband or wife, or for Him to simply work in your life. Anything. Apply this to your life, it's amazing what God can do when we... Wait.

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

by Russell Kelfer

Isn't that amazing? Every time I read it... tears stream down my face. What a God I have... and what a work He is and has done in my life.