26 weeks!!!

I swear, one day... I'll get really good at updating this blog! (and my other one to be honest!)

Okay, so I'm already getting the "worried mom" spells... Last week, Baker was moving like crazy, and I knew that he was good. :) Well, this weekend has been really crazy busy and kinda stressful. I hadn't felt him move for almost three days. So of course, worry wart me... I called the doctor this morning, and they had me come in for a sono... She looked at his heart first, and the heartbeat was strong... 162 to be exact! I was so relieved all I could do was cry... She watched him move for a while, and looked at all of his extremities... and everything is perfect. He actually had his hand all scrunched up with his thumb stickin out! He has completely moved positions which was a huge attribute to why I wasn't feeling him move like before. It was amazing to see how much he has grown and how many features you can see now :) Here is a picture from today of his face...

This isn't exactly a perfect picture, it's a picture of a picture :) but you can clearly see his mouth and nose and his eyes... Phil swears he already looks like his daddy! The gray thing above his head is the placenta, which is another attribute as to why I can't feel him that much. It is in a very odd place, and is cushioning his movement. He's very very healthy though! His weight today was 2.4 pounds! The new position he is in, has him completely stretched clear across my entire stomach! The tech was nice enough to explain to me where he exactly was positioned. Funny thing... the tech actually told me to drink more caffeine :) Booyeah! She said that would encourage him to move more... he's a relaxed boy just like his daddy! He is actually measuring a week ahead also!

The nursery is almost complete! Phil just has to put in the carpet, and then MeMee and Papa are coming to help us set up the furniture! The walls are painted a baby blue, furniture will be white, and brown will be the accent color! It will be really neat! Oh, and Daddy already has plans for a small fish tank to be in Baker's room... Oh, and of course it's for a night light too :)

Thank you to all those who read my blog... the journey that God has brought us from to get us to this point is amazing. When I look back, all I see is the pain and suffering that I had to go through to get to this point. But then I look again... and all I see is God's grace that covered me through those times... I wouldn't take any of it back, because it's made me who I am now. Baker is such a precious treasure. Having him inside me, and knowing that it was God that made it possible, and knowing that God answered my prayer... it makes me speechless. I hope that this makes me a Mother that shows an incredible love of God, and for her family. God knows my heart, and He knows my desire to be the best mom that I can be. With His grace, I'll provide a loving home for my children and husband. Oh! This gives me the chills!!! God is so good!!! God really does answer prayer, but when we are struggling to believe it, we have to realize... it will happen in God's time. If I didn't have to go through what I did, I would never believe that...

It's a.....

Boy!!!!!!

2 hours and counting!

Hopefully if the baby is feeling happy today... we'll know if it's a boy or a girl!

We are estatic to find out!!!!!

Ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!

:: 18 weeks & Wait ::

Hello all!

Life has been so hectic... well, not really hectic, just full. :) I still have alot of morning sickness that lasts all day. Which wears me out tremendously. I come home from work and usually do some little things, and lay down for a couple hours, get up for a while, then go to bed... haha sounds fun huh? Laying down helps the best... I think the worst part about it though, is you never know when it's going to happen! One minute, I'm just peachy... and the next... omg. Get me a bathroom!!!!

The baby is great... I feel it move a few times a day. Which is so incredible... I can't wait to feel it kick :) I hear that gets old fast though... for some reason, I don't think it will with me! haha! I'm showing alot more now. I have to "fix" all of my waists on bottoms, or else they don't fit at all! Maternity pants have come in so handy though... But stinks however, noone makes plus size maternity skirts! My mom is going to help me rig my old skirts into maternity, then I'll just buy new skirts later... Phil has been wonderful with me being sick and hormonal :) Yeah... another thing. I cry for absolutely no reason sometimes!!! haha! It's all good though, no complaints here... I just can't wait to meet this little one! I've waited so long to be a mommy...

Your prayers are needed however in our financial world... We are really praying about what to do after the baby comes... I'd really love to be a stay at home mommy... but that isn't looking like it's going to happen... We know that God has a plan, but we'd love to know what it is! :) We are praying about me at least going to a part time job rather than full time. We prayed so long for this child, that I don't want to have to leave the baby with someone for 3/4 of the time... So pray that God will give us wisdom and discresion. I'd love to work from home, but there aren't alot of things like that in Illinois :)

Okay, so I found this poem... it has become by far my favorite. Some of you may have read it already... but it's worth it to read it again. I get the Stepping Stones newsletter (they deal with adoption and infertility) and this poem was in there. I read it, and reread it. Then I read it to Phil... with tears strolling down my face. My heart was so heavy... The poem spoke so deeply to my heart... If you are waiting on God, for... a baby, an answer, His will, a husband or wife, or for Him to simply work in your life. Anything. Apply this to your life, it's amazing what God can do when we... Wait.

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

by Russell Kelfer

Isn't that amazing? Every time I read it... tears stream down my face. What a God I have... and what a work He is and has done in my life.

::My little miracle!::

So I had a doctor appointment last week... it was a huge milestone for Phil and I. It was my 3 month appointment. We made it! Now we know that God can still chose to take this little one from us if He choses, but humanly speaking... this was a huge deal for us. Did you know that the miscarriage rate goes DOWN 90% at 12 weeks? This is a huge answer to prayer, and we are still praising God for this gift... Wanna see a picture of the baby?!?!!?

Isn't this precious?!?!? You can tell it's a baby now! lol right below it's head, you can see it's arms... they were wavin like crazy! It was incredible to see! The tech actually had a hard time getting the heart rate because the baby was moving so much! She kept sayin... "Man! You got a mover!!" :) My heart swelled with pride! As you can see, the baby doesn't have a tail anymore... but a cute little butt! She said that the baby looked perfect! Praise the Lord!!! :) How amazing God is! Look! That baby is mine!!!

P.S. Hi Aunt Patti!!!!

::Catching up...::

I have so much to talk about!!! I have no idea where to begin, so this post might be a little scattered...

First off, I'd like to start with the hard thing to talk about... We went to Ohio two weeks ago to a Sunday School Conference. We were there Thursday - Saturday. On Saturday am... I woke up, and went to take a shower... I get in the shower, and look down and their is blood. Dripping down my legs. I stared. My next thought was to get Phil... so I started screaming. (in a hotel room) Immediately, I felt myself start to hyperventilate. All I could think was, I can't go through this again... I just can't. I start bawling, I couldn't breathe. Phil is standing there, saying... "honey calm down, it's okay" How in the world can this be okay??!?! I'm thinking... all of the memories of last summer, and losing my first child came whirling in my brain... you see, this is how I lost my first, in the shower. I saw the same blood... everything I had tried so hard to get beyond, came right back... Finally after about 30 minutes in the shower, calming down and talking to God... I got out, and laid on the bed. The bleeding was slowing down, and I wasn't cramping at all. Cramping is a clear sign of miscarriage. I could barely walk with my first miscarriage, I was cramping so hard. I called the on call doctor, and we spoke about what I should do... I don't want to go into gory details... (lol not that I haven't already right?) There was a clear explanation, and everything turned out fine. When we got back into Illinois, on Monday I went for a Sono just to make sure everything was fine... The baby looked great. Heart rate was 171 (1st sono it was 146) and she said everything was just as it was supposed to be. Talk about relief!!!! God is good. But oh the memories, and the fears, and the feelings... I had no idea it could all come back that easily... I believe God heard me in the shower, I believe that He knew I couldn't handle another loss... Do you believe that God can hear you? When you pray, do you know He hears even our thoughts? Which is proof we don't need to pray out loud. God can hear us. Isn't that so comforting? God knows each one of our hearts...

On a lighter note... I am 10 weeks and 1 day today!!! Morning sickness is an all day thing for me, and a constant reminder of the little one growing like crazy in there! The smell of Ranch dressing last night made me sick. It's stuff like that... or just a thought, or even just my tummy didn't like what I ate. Two Wednesdays ago, I set a personal record of vomiting 15 times in one day. Even water didn't want to stay down! This has been the only "rough" physical part so far... You try doin it everyday multiple times and see if you don't agree with me :) All is well though, and the baby is now an inch and a half long! :) My uterus is supposed to be the size of a grapefruit now, even though it feels like it's a football! Yeah... the bloated feeling is great too :) Please don't take this as complaining... I'm very thankful... just a little wore out already! lol

The wedding this past weekend, was beautiful. Sharon & CJ looked amazing, and it was a great joy to be a part of their wedding, and get to spend alot of time with "the girls" from college days... We left Wednesday right after work, and drove straight through, well sort of. We got really tired a couple of times, and pulled over to sleep... It took a total of 15 hours of driving time! Trust me, I was ready to be out of the car!!! On our way home we broke it into two days, and went to Knoxville Saturday night. We got to spend some much needed time with our very dear friends the Howells. It was so neat to be able to talk "baby" with Meg, and just to have their fellowship again. They are renovating a house close to the church, and we got to see it. It will be amazing, and it was great to see them so excited about it! We went to Wasabi for supper... and omg... that was just the perfect touch of the evening! I had my favorite sushi (no worries, it's all fish I can have) I about had a hissy fit eating it, it was wonderful! We went to church at Temple on Sunday am, then had lunch with Mel & Jonathan again, much needed time with friends. Mel also loved to talk to the baby and pat my belly that is still all my wonderful fat :)

Thanksgiving is around the corner, and I can't wait for turkey!!!! The time with family is the best part though... oh, and of course having the next day off to sleep in!!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving... and be sure to be thankful for all that God has given you... Being thankful just doesn't seem like it's enough for the miracle that God has given me... God truly is good.

For heaven's sake...

I've been horrible at blogging lately! Please rest assured, that I'm not giving up my blogging any time soon... I've been incredibly busy lately, and between being busy, I'm puking :) Yup... full flegged morning sickness :) Don't get me wrong... it's great lol It's a daily reminder that God has answered our prayers! I have so much to write about... but so little time. Phil and I are going to a wedding Georgia this weekend, we leave tonight, then we'll be back late Sunday night... Pray for us... He is a groomsmen and I am the pianist... And boy am I ever nervous!!! :) Everything will be great though, and we are so looking forward to seeing so many of our college friends...

I will write again on Monday... Again, I have so much to write about... I've had a few small complications, and stress n' such... But God is good. And the baby is just perfect. Tune back in next Monday!

Again, I'm sorry for the delay... thanks to all my faithful readers for your patience...

Oh... if you haven't seen a picture of the baby... feel free to visit my other blog here.