I was talking with a friend of mine this morning... who I feel has become a kindred spirit. She knows alot of what I'm going through... she said this is how she had to look at it - "God must really REALLY love us to give us such hard times, because He knows it will draw us closer to Him if we let it. It's that "refining fire"". The statement "if we let him" convicted my heart... am I using this to let God work in my life? Or am I just using it against God? Tears are pouring down my face as I write this... I'm so convicted. Sometimes, it's so hard to see past myself, and see what God might have for others through this. All I can think of is that God isn't letting me have the child I've dreamed of having, but maybe He wants others to see His Grace and His Mercy through me. I don't think that's been happening... I want God to use me, and I want to be in His perfect will. But why does it have to be so darn hard to get over myself and past my feelings that God doesn't know where I am?! Does He know where I am? Have I given Him what He needs to know where I am? God, help me be a better servant of you, and a willing spirit to be used of You, no matter what it takes.
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We met with the doc this morning, and went over my full sheet of paper with questions... We ended up being with her for almost an hour. She is so gracious, and has a wonderful way of explaining things. We reevaluated where we were headed and what was next... She thinks it'd be a good thing for me to have a hysterosalpingogram (yeah... psssh try sayin that one!) This is where they will inject dye into my reproductive system, and check for blockages, and for the most common thing... endometriosis. Just that though is enough to scare me... then I'd have two strikes against me! We will schedule that for the next month, if God doesn't will a miracle this month! So on with this month, I start the Clomid process again...
Pray for God's grace and mercy... I need it.
3 comments:
I pray for you everday girl!
I'm here for you, anytime.
I love you, Emily. :)
I've tip-toe'd over from The Return Home and see that I will be putting you on my prayer list.
A couple young women I know have PCOS. The struggle is so hard and my heart goes out to them, and now you. The struggle is horrific.
I experienced endometriosis and adenomyosis. Was able to conceive with medical means then had a hysterectomy at 38.
My daughter is 18 and was diagnosed with endo 2.5 years ago. This last Monday she had surgery where endo was lasered out and a biopsy taken.
Since I already pray for the young women with PCOS and especially my daughter with endo, it will be easy to remember you in prayer as well.
Bless you dearly as you walk in this path. The Lord is at hand and knows the outcome. You can prevail and trust in His timing, wisdom and ways. <><
Jane
Just wanted to tell you that I believe what you're doing here is really important, needed, and an inspiration to me.
I love you, and I'm proud of you.
And Phil. Yeah, him too.
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