::Reality::

This month has moved very slow for me. I guess maybe because my chances of anything changing on the IF homefront were slim to none beacause of the testing. Hope has become my most desired trait of these days. Hope that maybe one day, all of my dreams will come true.

We went to California a week and a half ago... it was a much needed time away. Phil and I spent the majority of the time with each other. It was great. The family there is so different from what I am used to, and the mentality is so different. I slipped out of reality. I had fun, I forgot. I truely forgot. I don't know if that's a good thing, or if it's bad... And maybe because we were so busy that I didn't have time to think. We were too busy sight seeing, and enjoying time with family.

We went for a wedding, and it was absolutely beautiful. I remember thinking when I first saw the bride... I remember that. I remember feeling like I was the most beautiful person on the earth in my huge white wedding gown. It brought back great memories of Phil and I's wedding... We did devotions together on Sunday AM, I can't remember the exact scripture, but it was in Psalms. It talked about the different voices of God. One verse talked about His voice being like thunder, and another of how His voice is full of mercy. It was so neat.

We went to the beach the morning we were leaving and just walked up and down, and got soaked :) I have some of the neatest pictures to help me remember. We went through security, and got breakfast, then waited for our plane... I remember feeling really depressed. Like I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay. I wasn't done being away. We got on the plane, and the tears came. I cried silently for at least an hour. Because I knew what was happening... I was going back to reality. Life waited for me at the other side... Sometimes? Reality sucks.

I didn't start my period this month... today I called in the perscription for Provera. We are trying Clomid again. I think 150 mg. Yes... welcome back to reality.