::Unworthy::

I've been trying for days to think of how to write this on here... Have you ever as a Christian or even just in a situation with family/friends... been through a hard time, and wished you had handled it better? I feel so unworthy of God's blessing... There were times, I would clench my teeth I'd be so angry... angry that I couldn't do what every other woman made seem so easy. Times when I seriously wondered if God could hear me, or He just got tired of hearing from me, so He stoped listening. Times when all I could do was cry... Because the desire in my heart over whelmed me... I look back at those times now, and wish that I'd been a better person, a better Christian and a better wife... We all go through different things at different times, and different levels of heartache. Infertility... has been my thorn in the flesh. Could I have been better at this? Yes. Could I have been a better example? Yes. Could I have trusted God more? Yes. Could have have........... you fill in the blank, and I'll say, Yes. Do I regret it? No. Because all of this has made me such a better person. If you go through something like years of infertility, when God blesses you... it's such a sweet time...

Which leads me to my announcement....


I got a positive!!!


Yes, it's true... I'm pregnant! Very early, but it's there! Blood Test were good, and the nurse said... "You are definitely pregnant!" Today, I am 7weeks and 4days.

I have been shouting from the roof tops ever since last Wednesday... I'm trying to be level headed about it... I was in the first trimester when I lost my first last summer, which is where I am now. God knows, and He gave me this blessing for a reason...

I can't tell you how many prayers have been answered by this baby... so many people have been praying for me, and have been taking my burden before the Lord... I feel so unworthy of God's blessing...

For all of you who are still waiting on God whether it is for a child, or for something else... I'm praying for you. I've been exactly where you are, and I know exactly the feelings you have. And truthfully, all of you are probably handling this better than I ever did. Please pray for my husband and I, as we go through the first trimester... it's hard not to have the fear that the same thing will happen... But we have put it in God's hands... and God knows our hearts.

I can't help but be excited though!!! God answered prayer!! I have a child inside of me!!! Phil and I both are ecstatic that God chose to bless our home... and we are praying the same for you.